Toilet Paper Sales Skyrocket

Toilet Paper Sales Skyrocket

Smart investors have once again put their money this Homecoming season in shares of Charmin, Quilted Northern and Cottonelle. "Toilet paper is flying off the shelves as fast as week can stock it," said Henry Matzensheimer, owner of the local IGA. "We've doubled the price, but teenagers still fill their carts with TP." 

"I've doubled my family's income," said George Bailey, a local financier. "With all the local high schools having Homecoming festivities each September, I call my stock broker when the school year begins and make my investment in TP."

Since the earliest days of the colonial schools in American, high school students have taken great joy in hurling toilet paper onto classmates', teachers' and administrators' homes and trees over Homecoming Week.  This tradition continues this week, Sept. 26-Oct. 1 during Waterloo High School's Homecoming.