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Lighter Side of Local News

USA… USA… USA…. We Flattened The Curve!!

The United States has proved to be up to the challenge of flattening the curve. After reaching the first wave peak of the covid-19 pandemic, the numbers started going down. This is believed to have been the result of social distancing, hand washing and face mask wearing. Well, to make sure the U.S. didn’t fall……

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First Refusal!!!

For those keeping score, Gabe Schneidensheimer was turned down by a woman at Main Street Saloon at 11:48 a.m. He is is credited with being the first local dude to be turned down by a woman since the local bars allowed patrons inside. Gabe had gone three months without being turned down by a female -……

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Look Out Ladies!!!

Indoor dining and bar service has returned to Monroe County establishments. That means hordes of young males will once again be flirting with available females out on the town.   To access more content, login or subscribe to the Monroe County Independent.  If you are are not yet a subscriber you can purchase a subscription…

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No Need To Deploy The Military On U.S. Citizens

You could have gotten a free bible next time you brought a prostitute to the Sunset Motel. To access more content, login or subscribe to the Monroe County Independent.  If you are are not yet a subscriber you can purchase a subscription here.

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Heck With Corona…

Watch out for flying objects when dining out along Waterloo’s Main Street. Bikers and skateboarders will be out showing off the stunts they learned during the quarantined. ***     To access more content, login or subscribe to the Monroe County Independent.  If you are are not yet a subscriber you can purchase a subscription…

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More Persecuted Than The Bison

Monroe County President Richard “Dickie” Trump once again finds himself in hot water. The beleaguered politician uttered yet another bombastic statement during a recent TV interview on Fox News MC (Monroe County). The interview took place on the courthouse grounds in downtown Waterloo. When asked how he has been treated by the local press, President……

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Moonshiners Switch To Hand Sanitizer

Inspired by Stumpy’s, Monroe County moonshiners have also been switching from distilling bourbon to the currently more profitable hand sanitizer. White Lightning brand hand sanitizer is now being sold from pickup beds and from the back doors of the local houses of ill repute. “We just kicked up our machines to distill to 180 proof,……

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How To Get Out Of A Speeding Ticket During Pandemic

Hey, officer, I’m on my way to Springfield to protest the governor’s lockdown orders.   I’m rushing home after testing positive.   I’m not just essential, I’m super essential.   Offer the officer a toilet paper and Clorox disinfecting wipes.   Magically develop a hacking cough and complain of a severe headache.   Point out……

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Monroe Transit Closing Overnight For Disinfecting

Monroe Transit Authority Director Andrew Cuomosheimer has ordered all of the county’s subway cars be disinfected every night from 1 a.m. to 4 a.m. The rats who are now homeless will be released at the St. Clair County border to roam free. Cuomosheimer is working with the health department to determine how many corona cases……

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Senior Superlatives For The Covid Class Of 2020

Most likely to be asymptomatic. Most likely to overact to mild Covid symptoms. Most outlandish conspiracy theory. Most likely to be Tik Tok famous. Most creative recipe using free school lunch items. Best pandemic hair. Longest Facetime conversation. Most likely to wear a mask under his nose. Student who got diploma only because of easier……

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